Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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