dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
