And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
