i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize