Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
