so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize