next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize