Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
