There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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