We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
two words: eviction party
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
