So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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