I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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