From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize