my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
