On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
