Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
