I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
