and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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