the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
