before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
