Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
So vagazzling was a success
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
