Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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