I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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