just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
