i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
