You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
