You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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