So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
