Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
