Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
