He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
a search helicopter?!
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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