SEEEEXXX PLEASE
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
