Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
