Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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