??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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