Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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