I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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