I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
