Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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