his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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