I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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