Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
