Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
