you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
