We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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