My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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