I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
