Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize