Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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