i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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