i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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