I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
