ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize