Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
