What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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