in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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