I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
