you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
