Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
