im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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