I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
