mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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