I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
