32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
