I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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