There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
