I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
