walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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