Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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