24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
