someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
