Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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