ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
