That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
